Oh Bondage, Up Yours!

After a weekend's revelry at this fantastic event, I am home, spent, full of gorgeous, healing, creative inspiration and more than a handful of delicious memories dancing through me.

There is a huge part of me that has really missed 'playing' in fetish clubs, and in fact missed just being around what I lovingly refer to as my 'tribe', my kind of people, people who know their sexuality, celebrate it and enjoy it respectfully, with consent and very much in control of their own boundaries. As a woman who has experienced a huge range of sexual expression through my life, I find it a joy to be around others who are open, non judgmental and considerate of that expression in others. The Night Of The Senses Ball, organised by the ever devoted Tuppy Owens, raises money for the fantastic charity Outsiders which highlights the sexual and personal needs and desires of people with disabilities. All of her events are fully accessible and the services offered within them equally so. I had the pleasure of working in the Tantra Temple this year where a good percentage of our visitors were disabled, wheelchair users. Not just that, but kinky disabled wheelchair users!

So as the evening progressed, and I took my breaks from the delights of the Temple, I got to play in the dungeon for a while. Now some of you may wonder what on earth anyone gets from this kind of play, yet it remains true that high street chains like Ann Summers see an increasing growth in what I call 'light bondage' toys and clothing. Someone, somewhere is getting this urge! As for me, well, the pleasure of the sensations I can explore through consenting BDSM can quite easily take me into ecstatic states of heightened awareness. I love the feel of the flogger on my skin, the heavy thump that gradually builds to a tantalising soreness, still bearable though. The cane and the crop, so much sharper, so much more stingy and more inclined to make me tense my muscles in some paradoxical anticipation/fear, and the 'misery stick', a sensation I've not previously known which was so incredible it felt almost like a sharp electric shock coursing through me, leaving me breathless with joy.

The further into the sensations I go, the further into feeling and the further into my body, the more I unlock, the more pleasure, the more history, the more healing, and at the same time the greater the sense of my own boundaries and strength. It's a psychological playground, an emotional arena, not for the faint of heart or spirit but definitely worth the chance you may take to see what's in there. It may not be for everyone, but as my parents said whenever I refused my peas, how can you know you don't like it unless you try it?!!

If you're in the North West of Manchester this coming month, why not try for yourself, in a safe, supported environment what it feels like; ask the questions you've never dared to ask? We will be hosting the fabulous Popping Your Kinky Cherry with the equally fabulous London Faerie , and I for one, am VERY excited about this! Why not come and join us...see for yourself, feel for yourself, ask for yourself. I promise you will not leave disappointed!

The Three Keys

Tantra; sexual pleasure and exquisite intimacy for grown ups or sex marathons for pop stars? What is it and what do you know about it?

For me, the discovery of tantra was like coming home; it answered in me a deep calling that I'd been longing for and never before found. It made perfect sense. It saw the marriage of my beliefs around spirituality, sexuality and sensuality come crashing at me like one of those full body orgasms I'd only ever heard about but never quite experienced, and then there it was.

The practice of tantric sex is actually not really about 'practising tantric sex', more that you just allow the possibility of becoming much more conscious and present in your body and in your connection to either your partner/s or your self in your sexual explorations. That's to say you don't get a "to do" manual but you do get lots of really useful and important tips on deepening your ability to really feel your sexual energy, to raise it and to use it to benefit your health, well being, your sense of self and your vitality on every level. I guess it's like anything else that you commit to studying, only probably quite a lot more fun whilst you're in the learning stages than say...learning about car mechanics (unless you happen to be a little kinky about cars that is!)

Basically, we've been having sex for a very long time. Somewhere along the way, many of us got loaded with messages driven by guilt, fear and shame about that, and we began to hide parts of ourselves that we may have felt more freely able to express before we decided that these negative messages we'd been given must have been 'true'. At the same time, our own sexual expression became distorted through our own investment in keeping other parts of ourselves hidden, riddled with false notions that we are not okay, that we are somehow 'less than' due to the constant barrage of media representations of love, lust and romance; in fact of just being human within a complex western culture. Here is what we aspire to right? (see below)

But most of us don't look like the photo above, don't want what the photo represents, don't live like that, or have that kid of lifestyle/body/money/skin color etc etc....but it is what we should want according to the popular press. Hell when my brother got married one well dressed guest sidled over to me asking the classic "is it you next then?" and when I answered that on the contrary, it was not what I wanted at all, he took one look at my tattoos and henna dyed hair and replied "no, I shouldn't think it is dear" and I was royally snubbed for not wanting what everyone is supposed to want!

So, for me, tantra and the liberated exploration of intimacy and sexuality has been a bloody goddess-send! I love men! I adore women and I love sex! I love peeling back layer upon layer of my own sexual expression and the possibility of it and I know that there is so much more to learn. It's taken me half my life to get to this point and damn fine that I did before I got lost in dry humping, headache city or porno-rama fakeness! Don't get me wrong, I'm not knocking porn per se but it cannot be the only outlet for sexual fantasies or we'd be well out of balance!

In tantra, the 3 keys to great sex are really very simple: breath, movement and voice but you'd be surprised how many of us are not even getting that simple formula 'right'. It's true that any kind of sex will most likely mean you're breathing and moving at the very least (don't get me started!!) only here we're talking about conscious breathing and conscious movement. As for voice, well I shriek like a banshee (Mr Bellocq recently said I would concern the parking warden on the National Trust car park if I didn't tone it down a bit and I can honestly say it was a first to be mid cum and have parking regulations brought into the equation!)...so yes, I shriek and I speak and I moan and groan and I cannot actually find my sexual self without my voice for the most part. So yes, I want the dirty, filthy, tender, loving, sassy, noisy, connected, sweaty, soft, hard, pounding, gentle sex that is all of our birthrights should we wish to take up that mantle. Tantra is offering me that full range of expression....check out shakti tantra for a great place to start, I recommend them most highly. There are many schools and teachers out there, find the one that's right for you. You could do worse for yourself than open your heart and your mind (and your legs will certainly follow!)

more on tantra to come....meantime, have fun, respect and stay smutty!

Boys who do Girls who do Boys...

Good evening readers....today you find your divine hostess Claudia with a rare night to herself, no lover, no responsibilities, nothing to do but dream and ponder. What to do? Watch a bit of Anna Span chick porn? Or maybe create myself a bit of Tantric healing space all for me...or perhaps a movie or two. First off though I find myself, for many a reason contemplating boys who like to dress as girls or rather, men who love to cross dress. It strikes me there are many of you out there, I've known several and certainly every chance I ever got to attend a fancy dress ball or party, the numbers of men who love to dress as women were generally off the radar! Yes guys, given half the chance it would seem you love nothing more than the feel of nylon and silk against your skin, and who can blame you?

Us women get to play with our appearance on a regular, well daily actually, basis. Hair, trousers on our more masculine days, power dressing when we feel the urge, heels or flats, soft skirts or layers on our more floaty days, and what do you get? Trousers! And not in many varieties either, no wonder our clothes and our freedom to try out our different aspects through our apparel appeal to you, you poor inhibited beasts!

One of my ex lovers used to have a passion/fetish/unmet need for dressing up in womens clothing but felt terrible shame in doing so. Personally I didn't have a problem with it per se, I mean look at Grayson Perry and Eddie Izzard and how incredibly possible they have made it for men to express themselves differently, yet it's sadly fair to say that for most average men wanting to try wearing womens clothes, a fair bit of abuse and prejudice may be encountered pretty soon along the way. Public venturing? Not for most of you. Pioneering women such as the amazing Miss Vera (pictured below)

have made it possible for some men to begin to explore, without criticism or judgment, their feminine drives and desires, to try it on for size if you like, and to really explore this side of themselves, whilst sexual pioneers such as my heroine Annie Sprinkle continue to work tirelessly towards a new sexual revolution that encompasses a holistic approach to the free expression of our erotic selves. So, whether you want to look like this

in your boy girl dress, or like this...

what is it that would stop YOU from feeling free to do so? to admit to your desires? to play with them free from guilt, shame or fear? Wouldn't it be great if we could foster that permission and stop judging and attacking those who wish to simply explore their sexuality more fully. We can change the world one moment by one moment, one person by one person. I find myself more comfortable in the company of sexual renegades and adventurers. Long may we reign!

Sexual Freedom & breaking the bonds

What does "sexual freedom" mean to you? It's been coming to my attention for years now that we are so bound by our ideas of ourselves and our ego-centric senses of identity that most of us don't even know we're captive any more. We have sex for so many reasons; duty, obligation, guilt, fun, love, money, stuff, approval, pressure, connection, release...and yet all too often we often don't even truly SEE our lovers any more, yes ladies and gentlemen, we are both prisoner and jailer at the same time!

Sexual energy is creative energy and properly channeled and acknowledged can be a most blissful and healing thing to fully experience, so what stops us? Media ideas of beauty can be intimidating, social notions of romance can create disillusionment, familiarity; does it really breed contempt or is it a platform from which to truly get to know our lovers and their pleasures? The more I dive into my Tantric journey, the more I realise how vast the range of both experience and pleasure is, how different our bodies are and how varied their/our needs. I used to be afraid of the term 'sacred sexuality' fearing it would lead to a kind of disowning of my more carnal side, my archetypal (or actual!) 'whore' or playful 'slut', however given the right teacher/teachings, just as with any other spiritual discipline, light, dark AND shadow can be fully embraced and played with. Enough of the guilt of being a sexually active, liberated woman in pursuit of hot sex! Enough of the judgment and labels...time to re-claim our power, and that goes for men too. Not power over but power of self expression in healthy, respectful, playful and celebratory ways; truth-telling!

Many cultures have historically known this, and here in the west, where I'm from, we have the gift of exploring many aspects of our sexuality with a great deal of freedom too, however there are things we need to bypass first - the erotic police invest in the suppression of sexual energy knowing its potency is great and its potential for liberating us phenomenal. Yet who 'polices' our sexual expression in truth? Mostly we do a very good job of this ourselves. Our 'phnaar phnaar' attitudes and 'Carry On Up The Khyber' mentality keep us protected, safe from the fear that we may not in fact be "getting it right". Once upon a time there were temples of sexual healing and the women who worked in them were considered Priestesses and highly revered, and yet now, so few work with sexual energy in this healing way, and yet there is change coming.

Sacred Intimacy is a phrase becoming more frequently heard as women and men long for something different, desiring of healing our sexual wounds and our erotic nature, which can be so many different things. I recently met a woman who works within the UK National Health Service and was so deeply saddened to hear how many women she comes across with great trauma and shame locked into their bodies and souls. Women afraid to look at themselves, who will not even touch themselves and who have disowned themselves from the waist down. Women who believe their genitals to be ugly rather than a thing of great beauty, and I'm sure there are as many men suffering the same disconnection. There are as many different types of vajra (cock) and yoni (pussy) as there are hair types, eye shapes, noses, bodies yet we persist in subscribing over and over to the myth of 'sameness' and aspire to some kind of non-existent sense of perfection. Breaking out of that is POWER-FULL and liberating. Allowing ourselves to truly love our bodies as they are, and to learn to name our pleasures is just as potent. BREAK THE BONDS and find the true expression of your sexual self...I promise you, you cannot fail to enjoy the ride, even if a little bumpy at times....

Hardcore Softcore? Sacred Carnal?

Good evening sexpot readers! As usual, your divine hostess Claudia is pondering sex again tonight. After a week of exciting meetings, events and opportunities, most of them involving sex positive people and well, just lots of sex really, I confess, I am left very thoughtful.

My week began at the delicious Shakti Tantra Sensual Eating event; more on this to follow in a blog post all of it's own as it was simply too good to gloss over. So, after the event I was most definitely all senses alive in readiness for the launch of the Erotic Art Expo in Liverpool, UK. The eating event (little teaser photo below) was my idea of heaven. What could be more delightful than to share my time with a room full of sensual, sex loving food afficionados with full permission to make as much noise as they desired whilst devouring the incredible platters served up by a critically acclaimed chef, Robert Owen Brown.

In the same week, I was invited to participate on the panel as part of a sex workers 'show and tell' feature to support the art on display for the next month or two at this venue. The first part of the evening took place in the gallery space itself and featured strippers, a BDSM rope work demo and a performance by the artist known as Amazing Mouse. Now, I consider myself pretty broad minded, little shocks me, or so I thought. Mouse's performance however took me to some of my edges, I'll admit. She employs such brutal, hardcore acts whilst dressed in the most girly pink poodle outfit, a juxtaposition more than a little disarming from the outset. That was nothing. By the time she had finished, Mouse had eaten dogfood, fucked herself in both orifices with same dog food smeared hands, followed by two plastic doggy bones and two candles all alight with bundles of sparklers! She also filled her pussy and her anus with soapy water and showed us the power of remembering to do your kegels ladies!!!!!

So, my week had already flitted between tantric sensuality, to a show that was so hardcore it was impossible for me to call it even sexy, in fact, I was lost for words to summarise what I felt as I didn't even know what I felt, in fact I was unable to describe what I felt for 2 days afterwards! Then it came to me, Mouse transcends our ideas of what it is to inhabit a body, to be a sexual object or being and to become a purely physical vessel in the name of her art. The shock of seeing this petite, softly spoken woman fisting herself and jetting water from her ass was really quite something. I realised in the moment I'd worked out what I felt, that I would rather inhabit a world of Mouses (Mice?!!) than a world of conservative-play-it-safe-censors who feel it is their right somehow to tell me what it is okay to do with my body or not; all roads leading back to Rome and the very essence of the Sex Work Activist debate.

So I salute the likes of Mouse and other seekers, pioneers and taboo breakers. I salute those who are willing to risk the disapproval of the mainstream, and to step outside the dream being dreamed by the many in favor of living their own truth. I am currently considering why so many spiritual practices disown the carnal in favor of the holy. Why do we disown the body, the pleasures of the body in order to believe that we are 'good' people, or that this somehow makes us higher in ideal? For me, the Tantric path marries my sexuality, sensuality, spirituality and political drive. Long may I ride the waves of intimate communion in the spirit of LOVE!

Oppose the Nil Policy on Hackney Strip Clubs

I recently attended a launch for the Erotic Art exhibition at The Gallery Liverpool. The opening night saw the wonderful Tuppy Owens, tireless campaigner for sexual freedom rights, put together a collective of open minded, sassy people willing to stick their necks out for their right to say YES as much as their right to say NO.

As one of the speakers on the Sex Workers Show & Tell panel later on in the evening, I got the chance to hear one of the performer/strippers speak of her work and the issues currently impacting upon it with the Nil Policy in Hackney (London, UK) and other boroughs. These local councils are seeking to operate the self explanatory policy, and are being backed by an organisation named Object. Please take a look at this short video entitled HANDS OFF and if you use Facebook, you can find out more here.

Watch and make up your own mind. These women don't sound like victims to me, nor nor do their voices sound like the voices of those 'colluding in their own oppression' (a criticism often leveled at sex workers). What do you think?

How anti-trafficking feminism harms sex workers.

I could not put it better than this so I will simply direct you to this important piece on why anti-trafficking feminists are doing more harm to sex workers rights, safety and civil liberties than they are effecting good. It's a real shame to me that this debate remains so polarised and that as long as it does, sex workers are being seriously challenged in their basic right to self determine, and to access services which help empower us and protect us rather than threaten and place us at risk. Read why here (please click on the active link)

Meantime you should watch this important video made by a seventy year old transgender sex worker in Phnom Penh. It's all connected. Love and peace...xx